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young girl riding a tram, holding the lap dog. Punk sitting opposite her, says: - You know what, laluniu? I would like to be in place this puppy! - I do not know whether you would be pleased with that. I'm going with him to the vet to castrate him.

***
athlete comes to confession. After hearing of his sins, the priest says - So you're a runner? Show me how you run! Athlete much thought to undress shorts and starts to run after church. Seeing this truchleją bobbins - But today, the priest severe penance ask! And I come with no pants!

***
travis guy highway, at one point he felt he must go to the toilet. Pulls, so the closest gas station, happily sits comfortably on kibelku. Suddenly, from a neighboring cabin question is asked: - Hi, how are you? The guy is a little surprised, but it was a cultural, decided to answer .- Thanks, somehow flies. The voice in the neighboring booth again asks: - What are you doing? The guy again, politely replied: - Well, probably the same thing as you ... The stranger in the cabin next to go, and says: - You know what, I'll call you later because now some jerk throws me for an interview ...

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Pan Tadeusz ...

policeman asks in the bookstore: - Are you Thaddeus? Saleswoman will the Meeting: - Mr Willy, come after you! ... ***

guy wanted to watch the match on TV, but his small child for a very disturbed, so it was led into his room, turned on the adapter, he founded the sluchawkina ears and "let go" what time bajke.Po hears strange noises coming from the room little boy "BUM BUM BUM ..."· But because he did not want to not move so I watched the match dalej.Po some time again, one hears more and louder:" BUM BUM BUM guy ...." So I decided to see what there doing. opens the door and sees a toddler with headset on the ears, the whole bloody, walacego head against the wall and repeated constantly: ·-I want! I want to! I want to! I want to! I want to! He wants !...... · Father did not know what's going on, so it removes the headphones, it is assumed in the ears there: Do you? Telling the story. Do you? Telling the story. Do you? Telling the story ... ***

corporal in the army explains a new arcade game - line up everyone in the circle, deprotection grenade and throw it to each other .- And what happens to those whom the grenade explode? - This is out of the game. ***

- Dear God, why have created Eve so beautiful, so beautiful, so charming? On the Lord: - Well, you could love me, Adam! A curious Adam: - Well, but why it created such a fool? - So she did love you, dork!

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student wanted to earn some extra money and took myself as a guide to the city. Americans got a tour and guides them. Florian shows them the door and tells the ramparts of a moment a visitor asks: - How many years have built these walls? Student does not know, but corresponds with głupa-10 years-Here in America it would have built them for $ 5 latStudent says nothing, only leads visitors to the market and tells the story of the Cloth Hall, the sudden he asks a visitor: - And how many years they built the hall? Student says little pondering-3 years-We would have built it for $ 1.5 roku.Studentowi bumps on his neck came out, but nothing further, and lead tour passes by and nothing Wawel not mówi.Turysta not stand it and asks: - O Lord, and what the building? - Damn, I do not know yesterday that it was not!

***
motorcyclist went for a ride. It was cold, so he founded his jacket back on the front. He drove too fast and hit a tree. Around the accident victims had gathered crowd of villagers. After a while the victim squeezes emergency doctor: - Is he dead? - After the accident, was still alive, but as we twisted his head to the right place, the poor man died ...


*** Nowak heard on the radio that aliens have landed - are small, green, have large bulging eyes and the need to talk to them very slowly. The next day Smith went to pick mushrooms. Separate the bush - mushroom, the next - a mushroom, the next, and there's little green Ludek with bulging eyes. Remembering information radio speaks to him very slowly: - Good morning, my name is Henry Smith, I'm an electrician, was collect mushrooms. A small green Ludek with bulging eyes as slowly tells him: - Good morning, my name is John Doe, I am a forester, I am doing a heap of ...

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Different frog

***
sits a tapeworm in my stomach and suddenly it looks, and here the bacteria run and cry to him: - Tapeworm, the tapeworm antibiotics go away! What are these antibiotics? - Thinks to himself. No nothing. After a moment, looks and runs toward him and cried worm - tapeworm, the tapeworm antibiotics go away come to me! Well tapeworm runs, but did not follow the worm. They meet in the large intestine. Worm sits in their suitcase and crying. Tapeworm asks so confused: - What happened? "A worm - Tapeworm do we have screwed ... heap before the minute we drove away ...

***
Meet three Negresses, and argue that is the blackest of her husband. The first says: - As my husband hurt his hand a black blood was coming. On the second - nah, my husband broke his leg bone sticking out is a black. On the third: - Phhy .... that's nothing, like my husband fart two buckets of soot from the room are.

***
come Poles the bar at the eastern border and see what is in the card: - broth: crossed-chop: crossed-soup: crossed-stew: and so removed at the end of the card: - Ruskie.Na what one says, "Look not only that everything , zeżarli is still shamelessly signed.

***
in a psychiatric hospital rebellion, and all the lunatics poprzyczepiali the ceiling. Head tried various methods to make their posciagac, but he did not succeed. Media brought in to expose the matter and asking for help senior registrar. The hospital reported to police and said that settle the problem. He entered the first room and said: - Hey Autumn ... already! And all the mad pospadali ziemię.Wszedł to another room and said: - Hey Autumn ... already! And again, all the lunatics odkleili from the ceiling and fell to ziemię.Sytuacja repeated in the next few salach.Wchodzi to the last room and exclaims: - Hey Autumn ... already! And here nothing! Lunatics continue to hang from the ceiling. So once again calls out: - autumn already! A further lunatics hanging ... Suddenly one of the mad cries - Niewidzisz idiot, it's conifer ...?!

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I can sing

travis student (black) by bus to the dorm, sitting and reading a script. All of zajęte.Wchodzi lady and becomes near Murzyna.Zniecierpliwiona says: - We are such young men are giving way to the elderly. Negro looks up above the script and answers: - A us such a woman eats it!

***
policeman stopped the truck and it will .- No mandate, Mr. kierowco. You have no retro-reflectors. The driver gets out of the car and silently .- I care about what's right, there is no glare? - Asks the policeman. - Pal devil glare - is responsible driver. - Where's my trailer?

***
Lady asks students to bring their pet to have shown its tricks. On the second day children bring their pets: dog brings Asia, which knows how to tap dance, Joey brings a snake, what he hung motionless from the ceiling, and Johnny brought a frog. Ms. goes to Johnny and asks: - Johnny, what can your frog? Johnny hit the table, and a frog: - Qua.Pani asks again:-Johnny, what can your frog? Johnny struck again on the table and a frog: - QUA . you again asking Johnny - Johnny still does not know what your frog potrafi.A Harry hit the table again and the frog: - Quanta, namera ........

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young sperm asks about how to earlier occurs. Elder explains that first he has to swim a long way, and how to reach the shore has to knock on the door and nicely presented: "Hello I am a sperm." With out the door hear a "Hello I am an egg", the door opens, it will come in and for fertilization. After some time there was a young sperm ejaculation and fluid, as a senior colleague told him. When you reached the door knocked and nicely presented: "Hello I'm a sperm!" But in reply he was told: "Hello I'm tonsil ".***
>>> philosophy professor stood before his students and put>> in front of a few>>> list. When I started classes, took the dispute>>> the mayonnaise jar and>>> fill it to the brim with big stones. Then he asked>>> students or their>>> think the jar is full, and they have confirmed. >>>>> Then the professor picked up a box of gravel poured into the jar and>>> slightly shook>>> Gravel, of course, rolled into the empty space between >>> Stones. Professor>>> again asked the students if the jar was full, and they have the>>> laughing nodded. >>>>> The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it, shaking>>> jars. In this way,>>> sand filled the remaining space still free. >>> The professor said:>>> "I want you to know that this jar is like your>> life. Stones ->>> the important things in life: Your family, Your partner, your children, your health. >>> If there were anything else, your life, and so it would be>> completed. Gravel - are other, less important things:>>> your apartment, your house or your car. Sand represents the>>> pretty little things in life, including your hard work. If>>> first refueling jar with sand, there will be no place on the gravel, and even more on the stones. >>> This is also in life: If you dedicate your entire>>> energy on minor>> > Things>>> (work), it will not have on things important. So take care of>>> important thing - dedicate your time to your children and your>> partner,>>> take care of health. You will have enough time to work, home, entertainment, etc. Heed primarily on the large stones - they are what really matters. The rest is sand. "After class, one of the>>> students took>>> jar, filled to the brim with stones, gravel and sand. Even>>> same>>> professor, agreed that the jar is full. Students without>>> problem has poured into>>> jar bottle of beer. Beer filled the rest of the space ->>> even wsiąknęło in>>> sand - now the jar was pretty full. The moral of this story>>> - no matter>> how much your life is filled, there is always some room>> for>>> browarka.

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Wednesday's jokes jokes

first One gentleman wanted to buy a birthday gift to his beloved, and they were together only recently, after careful deliberation, decided to buy her a pair of gloves - romantic and not too personal.
In the company of his beloved younger sister, went to a department store and bought a pair of gloves. Sister, however, at the same time, she bought a pair of pants. When packing ekspendient
turned these two purchases so that his sister got gloves, a beloved pants. Without checking, which is where he sent a gift to their liking by attaching the following letter:
Baby
chose this gift for you is so, because I noticed that you are not wearing any when we go in the evening. If I had to buy for your sister, then I would choose the guziczkami long, but she already wears a short and easy to remove.
These are in a delicate shade, but the saleswoman who sold them to me, showed me his pair, he wears three weeks and have not been stained or soiled. The fitting on it for you and they looked really smart.
I first put them on you, so that no other hands have not touched them before, how you see it.
When you remove them, do not forget to inflate it a little before putting, for quite naturally be a little moist after wearing.
And just think how often I'll kiss them this year. I hope that you will be wearing on Friday night.
With all my love,
PS. Latest in fashion is wearing them a little curled, so that we could see a little fur.
* * * * *
first Jew says to his wife:
-I'm going to exhibit paintings.
Wife:
-Why do not you take me with you? You'll never take me to the exhibition of images.
-I can not take you, because you still confused Picasso Matejko and would be a shame.
-What are you? I never with anyone you are not mistaken, let alone two foreign guys and it's the people!
* * * * *
- From what you have fur?
- the monkeys.
- Great fit. You look like you're born in it .....

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In a newspaper, a department job announcement appeared that the police is looking for people to pracy.Zgłosiły three blondes. The position was one. It was decided, so choose that one by a small test .- There you go, here we have for you pictures from the profile of this individual. Please tell us as much about it, what are you raises, some observations .- Jesus! He only has one ear · Kandydatce thanked. The other received the same command .- Jesus! He only has one ear! · This also fell below expectations. A third was asked kandydatkę.Proszę, here we have for you pictures from the profile of this individual. Please tell us about it as much as you can say about that person on the basis of pictures .- This man wears glasses kontaktowe.Komisja looked amazed. Checked in the documents, actually .- Well, great! Congratulations! You're adopted. But as you are deduced? - It's easy. This man wears glasses contact, because he can not wear glasses .- But why? - Well, how is it? Well, after he has only one ear!


*** I'm going by bus, not too loose, but I have a seat. You have to give a ticket to be deleted. In addition to facing the man. How to ask him - "You" or "Lord"? The bus is express. If a man does not get out at the last stop to say, that goes to my neighborhood. He travels with flowers - say to the woman. Flowers carries beautiful, it means that and she is beautiful. In our neighborhood there are two beautiful women - my wife and my lover. To my lover man can not go, because I I'm going to it. I mean, that goes to my wife. My wife has two lovers - Waldemar and Peter. Waldemar is now in the delegation ... - Mr Peter, could you delete my ticket?

***
guy phoned the company to pump the Bear Gardens. After half an hour the doorbell. Opens, and there's little old man with a shotgun and a small dog. - Please show me the place of action - said the old man. The bear was sitting high in a tree. The old man said: - The plan is this: I go to the tree. Flips hard. The Bear falling and Fafik - a specially trained dog is - getting to the bear grabs it firmly by the balls their teeth and bear it is ours. - A shotgun ... What shotgun? - Asked the owner of the garden. The old man gave it to him and said: - "If I accidentally dropped the first, you need to shoot Fafik IMMEDIATELY!

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One professor doused always those who do not attend wykłady.Wchodzi a student, the professor said that he did not see the lectures and puts his cock, but clever student said he went to lectures, so that always sat behind a pillar. He got third The next several students said the same thing, getting 3. In the end, Professor angry and hung on the door: "All the pillars are already in use!" ***

two blondes are standing in the elevator one says: - Call the elevator! Blonde exclaims: - Elevator, Elevator! The second blonde says: - Not so, the button! Blonde grabs your button on my blouse and said: - Elevator, Elevator!

***
passenger in the plane of the speakers you hear the voice of the pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, please do not fret, we have little tolerance. Please go to the left side the plane and look through the window. People go to the left site, the plane tilts, a pilot: As you rightly pointed out, the left engine burns. A small panic on board, but, from what is a second engine ... For the moment, however, again the voice of the pilot ... Ladies and gentlemen, and now calmly, slowly, please go to the other side of the plane and look through the windows ... People are already pretty upset run to the other side. As you can see ladies and gentlemen, the second engine also burns ... Panic on board. Ladies and gentlemen, and now I look down. All przylepili the windows and stare. As you can see below us can enjoy a big, beautiful lake, and in the middle you will see a small yellow pontonik ... From a small yellow pontonika, spoke to the crew of the aircraft state.

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from real life:)

guests to enter a pub and order: - For Helmut Cola, for Frantz to Andrew Jackson and milk.

***
hang on the tree sloths and three argue over who is more leniwy.Pierwszy says: - You know guys, I walk down the street, I look at myself, and here a bag of gold on the street is, but I did not want him podnieść.Na the second: - Well you see, and I go the beach and look like Claudia Schiffer is the naked and wants to fly it. No but I do not chiało się.Trzeci: - And you know guys, I recently was in the cinema, the very funny comedy, but I cried throughout the movie .- Come on comedy and cry? - Because I sat on the eggs and did not want me stand to improve ... ***

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a picnic. Since the night she found in a forest camp pitched in a clearing and went to sleep. At night, Holmes wakes doctor and asked: - Dear Watson look at the sky, and tell me what you see - I see millions of stars .- And what did it say? "- From an astronomical point of view tells me that there are millions of stars and probably billions of planets. From the astrological point of view tells me that Saturn is in the sign of Leo. From the theological point of view tells me that God is great and omnipotent, and we are malutcy and weak. From a chronological point of view tells me that it is about 3 at night. From the meteorological point of view tells me that tomorrow will be nice weather. And what about you, Sherlock? - And my dear Watson says that someone podpierdolił our tent ...

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About Little Red Riding Hood, a teacher and on my wedding night

walks through the woods Red Riding Hood in a blue cap. Wolf attacked him and exclaims: - I'll eat you, Red Riding Hood! A Little Red Riding Hood in a blue cap corresponds to a wolf: - wolf, not eat me, because I am not a Little Red Riding Hood, but I am Blue Riding Hood! wolf, embarrassed, fled into the bushes, and Little Red Riding Hood in a blue cap freely arrived at the house babci.Następnego walks through a forest of Little Red Riding Hood in a yellow cap ... and the whole story is repeated every day for two weeks. Little Red Riding Hood cap changes every day, but never once put into the red. Until then, however, goes through the woods ... Little Red Riding Hood in a purple cap. Wolf attacked him and exclaims: - I'll eat you, Red Riding Hood! A Little Red Riding Hood in a purple cap corresponds to a wolf: - wolf, do not eat me because I am not a Little Red Riding Hood, but I am Purple Riding Hood! A wolf said: - Whatever! For two weeks I had nothing in his mouth! So you eat, Purple Riding Hood! And the wolf ate Little Red Riding Hood in a purple cap ... The moral? No cap does not provide security stuprocentowego! ***

mathematician broke a radiator. He called a plumber, it tapped a key, shook and the water stopped dripping. The joy of mathematics quickly ended when the expert gave the price of the service .- Sir, but that is half of what I earn .- And where do you work? - At the University .- Well, did you move to our cooperative, you have come, touch and earn you four times as much as on the whole university. You just need you to go to the office and apply now. Just please, sir, that you have seven classes, because higher education we do not popłaca.Matematyk did as it instructed expert. Since then, his fate much improved. But one day came an order for upgrading the skills of the crew and sent everyone who had the seven evening classes to eighth grade. First lesson - math. Teacher welcomes all: - Good morning, going to learn math, I'm sure everyone will get a certificate of completion of eighth grade. And if we recall what we remember from school yet. You can write the formula for the area of \u200b\u200ba circle? - Pointed to matematyka.Ten stood up, walked to the plate and began to move out because I just forgot the formula. Derived, derives, has enrolled the entire array, and finally got the result "minus pi er Square." The less he does not like, so count from the beginning. Wiped off the array, again and again saves patterns result from minusem.Zrezygnowany looks at a class waiting for suggestions, and everyone's whispering: - Change the limit of integration ... ***

Young couple coming to the hotel for wedding night .- Please, the best room for the night! - You manage the key flashes młody.Recepcjonista giving to the girl: - No baby, you need to please him! He rented a room there is usually only for two hours ...

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from real life:)

meets a tank with a toddler. tank, says the toddler: baby-making than have the engine in the ass? it better to have a baby-silnki in the ass than a cock on her forehead!

***
The geometry lesson children learn to draw a circle. Johnny walks up to the plate and draws a very successful niewprawnie, egg-shaped circle. Teacher: - Oh, Johnny, probably came out of the egg ... Johnny looks at the pant leg of his shorts and asks: - Where?

*** Ride
two blondes from the village cunt. They see people in black ubranych.Nagle one says to the other: - Burial in cipie.Na every second - the funeral itself!

***
- From which you live? - Asks a policeman for some of the suspect typka .- Bets! - What does it mean "establishments"? - Normally. I assume with someone and win .- Forever? - Always! - Well, suppose it is. I would like to find if you say the truth. - I bet I have a swastika on his ass .- I do not believe - says the policeman .- Assume for a tenner! - In porzadku.Poszli to some of the executioner. Male downloaded pants, threw out the ass, and the policeman leaned over him and watches him carefully. Finally, with the triumph of the will .- I won! You have no swastika! Belongs to me tenner! Male pays a cop notices happy: - Well, what are you chwaliliscie with win every bet? - Bo won! - How? - You see the authorities of these five dudes across the street? - I see! - Recently I put up with them three hundred thousand, with my authority for the shit you be bored ...